Reflective Listening Challenge

Can you remember the last time someone really listened to you, so you felt truly understood? Listening done well is powerful. Leaders who listen generate higher levels of commitment and trust with their direct reports and no doubt, a better reputation too!

What gets in the way of listening well? First, consider any physical barriers. As you walk down the hall and pause to greet a colleague, if your arms are full with a laptop or notebooks it may appear you’re not fully available for a conversation. Similarly, glancing at your watch or even placing a cell phone on the table in a lunch meeting can convey that you have more pressing business elsewhere.

Reflective listening is a rare skill. As with driving savvy, most of us assess our listening skills as better than they are. Every day we have opportunities to improve our listening ability and it will pay dividends. A listening class I took a couple years ago* suggested we capture the FEELING and THOUGHTS conveyed and reflect them back to the speaker. This may sound deceptively simple. Will the person think you’re parroting him?

Thankfully, paraphrasing and some practice can take your ability to a new level. If you’re not sure of the emotion expressed, you could make the reflection tentative, such as, “It sounds like you’re thrilled that you go the promotion and a little nervous about wanting to make a noticeable impact quickly- is that right?” In my experience, people are only too happy to clarify what they’re thinking, or if they feel heard, to add on additional information because they sense that you’re invested.

Body language matters too. Alfred Mehrabian was a social scientist whose research showed that 55% of communication happens through body language! Only 38% comes through tone and an astonishing 7% is conveyed by the words or content we choose. Stay self-aware to keep your arms and legs uncrossed when in conversation and be sure to make eye contact with the speaker to demonstrate interest.

Up for the challenge? Take this next week to intentionally practice reflective listening, without advising or adding commentary, and see what happens!

*Listening for Heaven’s Sake, Equipping Ministries International