Revisiting a Classic: Never Eat Alone
I remember being surprised by Keith Ferrazzi’s first book, Never Eat Alone. Some of his suggestions would be a stretch for me (take a job interview on a treadmill?!) and others make networking accessible (hosting a simple dinner party with pizza and folding chairs, if that’s what you’ve got!)
This bestseller coaches readers on establishing a network of impactful relationships. Packed with striking stories, it illustrates comprehensive strategies for everything from hosting successful dinner parties to maximizing your investment in attending a conference. Born of a small-town steel worker and a cleaning lady, Keith earned an MBA from Harvard Business School and went from Deloitte to Starwood Hotels to become the Fortune 500’s youngest Chief Marketing Officer in 1999.
While the whole book is worth a read, here I’ll pass along three tips to develop competence in building and maintaining a network that will positively influence your life and career:
§ Know your goal.
§ Build your network before you need it.
§ Follow up.
Know Your Goal
To get the best return on your efforts, take time to identify your goal before reaching out.
Step One: Find Your Passion
Ferrazzi recommends finding the place where your talents and desires intersect, which he calls “the blue flame” or a “convergence of mission and passion founded on a realistic self-assessment of your abilities.” (p. 26) Look both inside and outside to find the flame.
1) Reflect on your interests, passions, hobbies, magazines, movies, books and people that inspire you.
2) Uncover your values and strengths. The free Via Character assessment could be insightful: https://www.viacharacter.org/ Another free option is StandOut, to discover your natural “role” for engaging in the world: https://www.tmbc.com/ You could also ask the people who know you best for what they see as your greatest assets. What do they admire about you?
Compiling what you learn will help you crystalize a deeply motivating mission.
Step Two: Write it Down
Ferrazzi recommends a tool he calls the Relationship Action Plan (p. 29-33.) It’s a worksheet divided into three parts: the development of goals that help fulfill your mission; a plan connecting those goals to people, places and things to help you achieve the goals; and ways to reach out to contacts you identify.
In the first section, list what you’d like to have accomplished three years from today, then back up to one year from today and ultimately down to three-month increments. For the three year portion, you may have an A goal and a B goal eg. A Goal is to be a Finance Manager and B Goal is to be a Finance Manager in a Fortune 100 company in a metropolitan area within two hours of the beach! Then add short term goals for both A and B goals. A 90-day goal for a first year in this spot might be to secure a finance internship for the summer. Make your goals specific, believable and challenging!
Step Three: Form a Board of Advisors
When Ferrazzi’s job at Starwood didn’t go as planned, he took a step back to re-evaluate his career direction. He was intentional about reflecting on his desired future and determined he wanted to become a Fortune 500 CEO. However, in sharing his plan with a respected friend and advisor, Keith chose to reroute his efforts to the more tangible path of becoming CEO of a small company. Within three months, he had five job offers. Whether formally or informally, create a Board of Advisors for yourself. Identify people you respect and trust and maintain a relationship with them such that in time of need you could easily call on them for wise counsel.
Build Your Network Before You Need It
In coaching a mentee who wanted to quit his job to start his own business, Ferrazzi advised he offer his services to potential clients for free, to gain experience and build his reputation in the field, before launching his company. The mentee was shocked, but warmed to the idea as he realized the benefits of growing his network while still working full-time.
Ferrazzi suggests that you may see your contacts as a “tiny parcel of cleanly cut grass that represents the usual suspects of . . . immediate friends, coworkers, and business partners: the most obvious people,” but that in reality, your network is “an overgrown jungle with an infinite variety of hidden nooks and crannies that are being neglected.” (p. 46) Start connecting with the people you DO know, before you need them, and you may be surprised at what you find. Relationship-building takes on a momentum of its own. As you get in touch to find out what others are doing and learn what they need, you can offer what you have and connect them to the rest of your network to help meet their needs. They may suggest new people for you to meet and your network will grow organically.
Follow Up
“FOLLOW UP IS THE KEY TO SUCCESS IN ANY FIELD.” (p. 106) Ferrazzi is passionate on this point. He follows up the same day with people he meets on a plane and the next morning with people he meets at a cocktail party. In a short note, be sure to thank them and recall some details of the conversation. Include a link to an article that may be of interest to them. Invite new connections to meet with you and once they agree, find a way to make it happen. If you live in different cities, reconnect via a phone call or perhaps over a coffee when you’re back in the area.
In summary, being clear about your goals, building a network before you need it and making it a habit to always follow up will reap dividends in your professional and personal life!
Ferrazzi, K. with Rahz, T. (2005). Never Eat Alone and Other Secrets to Success, One Relationship at a Time. USA: Random House Inc..