On Presence and Choice: You Know You Float?
This summer I started an intense program to deepen my skills coaching executive leaders. The classes promise enhanced self-awareness with plenty of occasions to reflect on how we currently function in the world and how we actually want to show up for our clients and our own lives.
A peer in the cohort said to me one day, “You know that you float, right?” It took me by surprise. His impression was that I “glide” gracefully. Physically, I’ve danced on and off throughout my life and that has probably shaped my movements. Beyond that, the conversation reminded me that each of us “shows up” in a room in some particular manner. He’d noticed it earlier and didn’t feel he’d known me well enough to share at then, so I’m glad he did later. Spiritually and emotionally, one of my goals in life is to bring healing, that my interactions with others would somehow touch them and leave them in a better place. In my mind moving fluidly resonates with that desire and it thrilled my heart to hear that’s what my new friend had seen.
How do you show up in a room? Could your entry be described as sauntering, sailing, striding? Or perhaps your presence is commanding, casual or kind. We each have a way of being, whether we craft it purposefully or not. How we carry our physical bodies plays a significant role in that. If you’re not sure how you’re showing up, ask a few trusted friends, or maybe even newer acquaintances with whom you’ve recently established a rapport. In fact, the people who don’t know you as well may have their first impressions top of mind, since you’re still new and “imprinting” on them. To find an observer willing to share is invaluable- the data we receive may reveal how closely other people’s experience of us aligns with what we truly want to convey.
Recently I visited New York City and on a whim booked a ticket for a comedy show one evening. I was looking forward to it as I had taken a couple improv classes a few years ago and enjoyed them immensely. I have great respect for people who put themselves forward to perform as it takes energy to be in the public eye and vulnerability to make yourself open to criticism from strangers.
The first comedian’s routine was a fair reflection of a set of hers I’d watched on YouTube shortly before buying the ticket. I had then made the mistake of assuming the rest of the line-up would be similar in style. In fact, the next two acts were racist and beyond sexist, to the point of normalizing rape. I sat stunned in bewilderment, not laughing or clapping. What was happening?
After some hesitation at certain “jokes” the audience laughed at the onslaught of insults, some aimed directly at audience members of minority groups and international visitors among us. It was surreal. I slipped out before the last act, wishing I had left earlier.
As I processed the episode over the next few days it struck me how much presence and influence the offending performers had wielded in that space. I wondered if they truly realized the priceless currency they held and the intangible damage they’d chosen to buy with it. They had demonstrated power to sway people, some of whom were at first reluctant to engage but by the end were chuckling at the hapless victims along with everyone else. Standing in the might of their presence, they had opted to drag to the gutter those of whom and to whom they spoke.
We all have the ability to influence at least one person. To what end are you using your power? Who’s following and where are you taking them? Is it a place you’ll feel good about not only having been yourself, but also of having led others?
If at any point you find yourself somewhere you don’t want to be, in a spot that doesn’t honor the best version of you and the impact you want to have in the world, know that it’s always within your reach to make a shift. Our simple presence and active choices inevitably impact those we encounter and probably in ways far deeper than we can imagine. How do you want to show up?